In the week and a couple of days leading up to my first real channel, I had been working on releasing my attachment to the material. Now, when I say material, I don’t just mean money or cars or house. I also mean, family and friends and how I developed relationships with those material things.
I had started watching this inspirational speaker for CEOs, wanting to build their business and one of the videos was about how we all train people how to treat us and to speak to us. In the video, she tells a story about how she critiques one of her, I believe it’s a vice president, and it just sounded like me. Now over the last nine months I’ve done a lot of inner work and some might say shadow work, and I’ve learned to accept and love all aspects of myself.
So in a few short days, I decided to let go of my house, and by let go, I mean no longer fight for it, fight for the equity in it, because I was in a “to-fro” with my lawyer and I found this article on how in some instances of divorce, some would utilize the assets in the divorce to continue to emotionally abuse or control the other spouse. I looked up the law and it has nothing to do with the people or anything to protect either one from abuse and it all has to do with equitable division of the assets.
So somewhere in there, I switched my approach and I stopped asking for permission for what I wanted to do, mind you I’m 40 years old, I have no children and I’ve been paying my way since I left my husband with my short term disability. It hasn’t been easy, but when I realized letting go of the house meant, I would truly be free, my internal growth and my progress skyrocketed. Those that I told what I was feeling and seen, didn’t agree with me, in fact, some thought that I’ve lost it.
Now, that I switched how I was behaving. Everyone thought I was being irrational. That I was frustrated. That I was behaving eccentric. When really I was looking at the chains that bound us to unhappiness, to burden. I wasn’t even cursing. I was saying what I wanted. Not asking, no flowery words, and I had never done that in my life. No one knew how to take me.
My family and my friend were accusing me of using drugs. The few months leading up to this point, I had not been using “drugs.” I had even stopped taking my Wellbutrin. I see their concern was that I may have slipped into some sort of manic episode. Though my ability to assess that is better as I worked in emergency most of my career.
Rather than react and continue to defend my stance, I took a short break and I did hang out with a friend. And I did imbibe in recreational drug use. Please note that my stance on Drugs (pharmaceutical,alcohol and recreational) is the same, it’s the person and their intent that matters not the substance. I admitted that my addiction was always people and food.
In that short break something flipped in my brain, and I began to channel for the first time. It took me two days to realize that’s what I was doing. I had a connection to my intuition, to spirit, to God that I’ve never felt before. And it made me look at our reality at what we call family, friends, success, and it made me look at my situation, and when I say it’s a trap, I’m not saying it’s a cage with a door we’ve all walked into. It’s this landscape of slippery slopes and the truth has been edited and manipulated in a way to draw us away from our spiritual path, like a landscape of uneven ground and some paths are solid but they come from “rock bottom.”
I didn’t get high, but I started to use tarot cards I was moved to buy and not touch again, though I had packed them that day without really knowing why. What I channeled was a taste of what I am to grow into and “Nervous System” is what is important. I learned some things about my family that I wouldn’t even know how to handle, what to say, how much to say. I learned some things about my friend and same thing. I guess you would say that my third eye had finally come in. And my claire audience is also starting to as well. My empathy and my claire cognizance have only sharpened.
When I finally learned a lesson that I was meant to, it took me 2-3 days to piece it together. I took a walk in my neighborhood and I saw a glimpse of how communication in all systems in our reality affects the way we grow, the way we think, the way we view love and success. And then I thought of consent, and what that really means and how there should be balance in that in all areas of life, childhood to adulthood, business, school, etc. To those who may read about history or even know a little bit about the spiritual occult, the idea that popped into my mind was Thoth.
At first I thought, “what if I am crazy,“ but then I had a day with my sister, and I can’t explain it; we were in the right place at the right time the whole day, and yesterday was the same for just me. I no longer believe in coincidences but rather a divine plan or map and how we interpret it is our free will.
I plan to write a bit more on my spiritual journey, but am reminded to look at the breadcrumbs I’ve left behind. Check out my Instagram and my YouTube channel. I’ve left some guides there.
Each spiritual path is their own. And I looked within myself. You do the same, I’ll be looking out for you.
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